Quotes
"Well, ya see Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast
as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole
group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members."
"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills
brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you
always feel smarter after a few beers . - Cliff Clavin
Too alcohol, the cause and solution to life's problems .-Homer Simpson
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I
look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their
hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and
their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I
drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver.-Jack Handy
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer
shoot out your nose.-Jack Handy
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?-Stephen Wright
He was a wise man who invented beer.-Plato
Work is the curse of the drinking class.-Oscar Wilde
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank
her.-W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?-W.C. Fields
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.-Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're
sober.-William Butler Yeats
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just
like to pee a lot.-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me so let's just do
this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.-Homer Simpson
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his
fools.-Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep
your mouth shut.-Ernest Hemingway
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!-Brian O'Rourke
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.-Kaiser
Wilhelm
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen,
for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in
beer.-Dave Barry
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,
but at the very least you need a beer.-Frank Zappa
I drink to make other people interesting. -George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer.-Washington Irving
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.-Dave Barry
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